I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
