My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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