im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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