i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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