burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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