It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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