Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
