...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
