That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
