Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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