Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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