Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
