So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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