Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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