I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
