He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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