You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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