dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
