get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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