So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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