Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
