Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
