Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
