I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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