So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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