In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize