Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
