I CAN MOONWALK!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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