I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
