So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
