You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize