Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
