I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
