Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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