I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am never drinking with the goths again.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
