i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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