everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
ttyl tear gas
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
