watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize