If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
