I showed him my bush... on skype.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
