I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
