dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
