Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well I just put wine in my tea
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
