Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
