Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
