My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
