I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize