My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
