dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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