that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
