the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So vagazzling was a success
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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