I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
