just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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