my mouth tastes like poor choices
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
