What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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