Pants 0. Shit 1.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
