Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
