No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
