maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize