I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
