if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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