I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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