i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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