i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
