I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
