Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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