youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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