So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
