At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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