u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
